The Right Ways to Text a Woman After a First Date

how to text a girl after a first date
Share this post

First of all, forget about the 3-day texting rule. Women despise it.

If you’ve just had a great day with a lady, never wait for three, two, or even a day to text her. The three-day rule does not exist anymore. It’s bogus; it’s unreasonable, and it doesn’t work.

Never assume that if you’ve just had an incredible date where, probably the woman kissed you, or texted you saying she had a great time, the best way to make her yearn for you is to wait for three days. She’ll probably forget about you.

Indeed, it is true that a certain amount of absence or busyness communicates high value, which can spur desire, but this doesn’t apply to waiting three days after a first date. We are social creatures, and we can be very sensitive to people’s attempts to maneuver us.

Don’t try to maneuver.

Nothing spurs attraction than building a foundation of trust and safety with a woman. This is the first thing to bear in mind. That said, here are five more strategies you should know about texting women after a first date.

The best way to text her about last night

Don’t text her about how beautiful her pink dress was on her, or how great she looked. Even though women love to hear this, it would be a great compliment at the beginning or during the date.

But after the date, instead of texting her about her looks, give her a compliment about something you’ve learned about her.

For instance, if she shared a vulnerable moment with you where she gave sensitive information about her background or how hard she’s had to work on her career and made so much impact, that’s what you should compliment her for.

Tell her, “I had such a great time with you, especially when you shared that story about … Thank you for sharing that with me.” Or, “The way you look at life is so beautiful and sharing your experiences with me has made me understand why you look at life this way.”

The key here is to compliment her on something that is important to her. Preferably something she’s worked hard for. This is what will make you stand out from all other guys because it shows you really paid attention to her, not just how sexy she looked in her dress was during the date,

Why is this important?

Intuitively, women want a man that will make them feel protected — both emotionally and physically. And when she senses that you’re truly listening to her, it signals to her that you truly care. And this makes her feel safe.

How to break the text barrier

Sometimes there’s this awkward feeling after first dates. We wonder who should text first. Or, how long we should wait before we text each other. And if we wait but don’t get a text quickly enough, we begin to wonder whether or not the other person is into us. Or worse, we fear we have made a mess of the date.

Here’s an interesting idea from Apollonia Ponti to break the text barrier.

Typically, people don’t have their phones on the table on their dates (or, at least they don’t use them). Chances are, the only time any of you will use your phones on a date will be when you go to the bathroom, or when you’re leaving immediately after the date.

According to Apollonia Ponti, a great way to break the text barrier after the first date is to text her towards the end of the date.

Here’s how to do it.

When you’re on a date and you notice that things are going well, go to the restroom towards the end of the date and text her saying, “I’m having a great night with you,” maybe with a smiley face or a winky emoji.

One of these two things will happen: First, she hears the notification and sees the text in front of you, creating an impactful, emotional moment between the two of you. Or, she might also see the text later, after the date, and she will have to reply, making her break the text barrier.

Making sure she got home safely

You can go about this in two ways. Firstly, if the date went well, and you’re saying your goodbye, you can verbally tell her, “Call me when you get home, I just want to make sure you get home safely.”

When she then sends you that first message saying she got home safely, you’ve already broken the text barrier, and things can easily flow from there. This is especially great because it makes her feel protected and cared for.

On the other hand, you can also do this on text, saying “Just wanted to make sure you got home safely.. I had a great night.” Short, sweet, sent. When she gets the text message, she’ll know that you care enough to make sure nothing happened to her on her way back home. Plus, it’s a great way to break the text barrier.

The power of validation

Here’s the thing: We are all social creatures. And as such, we are usually very apprehensive about how those around us perceive us. And when it comes to those we care about, especially on an occasion like a first date, our insecurity about our social ability soars.

Hence, if you had a good time on a date, tell her. Often, guys don’t vocalize this enough.

Most times, the only way a lady becomes sure a guy is having a good time on a date is when she asks him. Text her and let her know you had a good time. You can tell her something like,

“I had a great time getting to know you. Thanks for a fun evening!” Or “You really know how to make a date fun. Thanks for spending your Saturday with me!”

It’s very validating and reassuring, and it lets her know there’s a chance for a second date — something she should be happy about if you guys really had a good time.

How to use an inside joke

There are a few things that bond people more than having an inside joke together.

Send her a text in reference to a funny thing that happened during your date — if there was any. Texts like this form really good ice breakers.

For instance, if there’s a very famous movie that almost everyone in the world has seen but she hasn’t, bring it up in a text. “I still can’t believe you haven’t watched The Game of Thrones, I thought it was mandatory viewing for all humans.”

Bring up a funny shared experience and reminisce. Maybe you guys went rock climbing and you took a picture of both of you on helmets and it’s a horrible picture, keep it and send it to her later.


A general rule of thumb when it comes to texting is to not use it as your major means of communication. You want to keep texting short, and precise. Text too much and it can easily become boring, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

You want to save your communication for in-person rapport. You should use text to make arrangements to hang out. Hence, as you use these six texting strategies, make sure to keep it simple, and precise.


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *