One of the reasons most men get it wrong interacting with women is that they often forget one simple but vital fact: Men and women don’t think the same way.
There are certain things a man thinks sound cool at the moment but downright annoying from a woman’s perspective (and some things in this list will surprise you). That said, here are nine things you might want to rethink, edit, or even cut out of your vocabulary when speaking to women.
When you see a beautiful lady who doesn’t look so happy, you think you’re being caring by saying “smile.”
But here’s the hard truth about asking someone to smile: You’re refusing to acknowledge what the person is going through. You’re indirectly telling them you don’t like the mood they are in, not necessarily because it’s bad for them, but because it doesn’t work for you.
What if she’s not just in the mood to smile because she’s had a bad day? Maybe she has a lot on her mind. As Marcel Schwantes, speaker and podcaster wrote in Inc magazine,
“When women are commanded to smile (especially by their superiors or coworkers), they often experience a loss in the control of their own presentation of themselves in the workplace.”
In a survey that involved over 500 women, most of the women reported that being told to smile, especially by a female boss made them feel underappreciated at work.
Think about it. If you had a bad day and you’re feeling all stressed out, how would you feel when someone just comes along and asks you to smile?
If you’re really interested in her well-being, try and understand why she’s frowning. Instead of just telling her to smile, try and engage her to lighten her mood, that’s how you make her smile.
“Can I kiss you?”
In most cases, asking a woman if you can kiss her spoils the mood. It comes off corny and unromantic.
Instead of asking, try to pay attention to her body language and her mood, you should be able to tell to a large extent if there’s enough spark going on for you to go in for a first kiss.
One thing most men don’t realize is that a woman might turn down your kiss for reasons you may not expect. Sometimes she might just turn you down because she wants to take things slowly.
But even if she turns down your attempt to kiss her, it doesn’t necessarily mean she thinks badly of you. In fact, leaning in for a kiss can make you come off as bold to her.
In other words, a girl rejecting your attempt to kiss her isn’t all bad news, so don’t be afraid to go in for it when you feel it’s the right time.
However, if you feel the need to ask because the vibes you’re getting from her don’t feel right, it’s probably best not to kiss her at that moment. Asking before going in for a kiss makes you come off as insecure and timid.
If you must, there are cooler ways to tell if a girl wants to kiss you. In the movie Hitch, the 90% worked, and you could use it too.
The 90% explains that when you’re feeling a good connection with a woman and you feel you need to go in for a kiss, move your face 90% towards her’s and pause. If she doesn’t pull away or comes closer, she wants you to kiss her.
There’s hardly any upside about talking about your ex. Why?
Here’s the thing: When you talk about your ex to your girlfriend, you either make it seem like you’re your ex down or comparing her to your ex. Either way, it never comes off well.
If you find yourself wanting to vent about your ex, save the talk for your best friend, not your woman.
Dismissing her emotions with “Is it that time of the month again?”
No matter what, asking a lady “Is it that time of the month?” because she’s acting up concerning something that she thinks needs your attention is condescending and stereotypical.
You’re indirectly saying that her actions are not justified by the situation at hand.
Some guys will even use it as an excuse to not deal with the underlying issue at hand.
Even if it’s that time of the month, it doesn’t mean that what she’s feeling at that particular time doesn’t need your attention. Any variations there are for you insinuating that she’s acting crazy because she’s on her period is a recipe for disaster.
“Why are you still single?”
Most guys say this in response to a lady telling them “I’m single.”
Here’s the thing: If the lady is uncomfortable, unhappy, or insecure about her relationship status, you’re just reminding her of her sad state. It’s okay if you ask, “What was your last relationship like?” not, “Why are you still single?” It doesn’t sound right.
If you’re interested in her, it shouldn’t be that important to you why she’s still single. You should just be happy that she is because now you have the chance to change it. Isn’t that why you asked if she’s single in the first place?
“Are you having fun?”
This one depends on the context in which you say it. If you’re out with a girl and you’re both smiling from chick to chick because you’re having a good time and you ask her, “Are you having fun?” It becomes a rhetorical question. And she’s going to answer with a big “Yes! This is amazing!”
But if you’re out and everything seems calm and then you go, “Are you having fun?” You’re indirectly telling her that she looks bored because she’s not talking enough, and this will put pressure on her all of a sudden.
You should be confident in yourself and not be overly self-conscious, afraid that she’s having a boring time with you. Instead of asking her, read her body language. If she’s really bored, it shouldn’t be that hard to tell. Then you can try and do something to change it.
“Hey! Is it cool if I…?”
Except regarding sex where you need consent, a woman doesn’t want to have to permit you before you do anything. Besides, you don’t want to set up a relationship dynamic where you have to ask for permission for every other thing you need to get done.
If you think you need to do something, get it done.
If you put a woman in a position where she has to permit you to do everything, she’s going to feel like she’s the one taking care of you. And neediness or dependence doesn’t settle well with any woman.
“Can you be my girlfriend?”
Here’s the thing: Women want to be the ones to convince you that they are right for you. When you give away your commitment freely or too quickly, they don’t see you as a challenge anymore. They get bored of you.
Giving your commitment to a woman too easily makes it seem like you don’t have that many options. And this is bad news because no one wants to be with someone they feel no one else wants to be with.
“What do you want to do?”
Women always want to deal with the man who can direct and lead them. They want to come along for a journey and a ride with you.
Hence, except she specifically tells you what she wants for herself, don’t ask a woman “What do you want to do?” Or, “Where do you want to go?”
If she asks you “What are we up to this Friday?” Just tell her you have something planned in mind, “Just come along.” Never ask her what you should do or where you should go. Always have a plan.
Saying these things to women doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is going to take a step backward, or worse, come to an end. Sometimes the effect of what people say depends largely on the context and the receptor.
Most men must have said some of these things out of their quest to be charming or encouraging. However, when it comes to ladies, some things you think you need to say may be better left unsaid.