Seduction is like riding on a rollercoaster. When you’re waiting in line for that rollercoaster, your anticipation builds up. You can’t wait to get on it and have that experience.
When you finally get on the rollercoaster and it starts to move up and down, your excitement soars. You scream and your smile extends from chick to chick.
But once the roller coaster comes to an end, how do you feel? Immediately, the energy and excitement leave you. Now you need another exciting thing so that you can get that same experience and more.
It doesn’t matter how long you anticipated the experience, once the experience is over, nothing matters anymore. Great seducers know how to prolong this anticipation phase. In fact, some can keep it up forever. But how can you learn to create this effect?
The mindset of a seducer
In 2015, Doctoral student Sean Murphy and Professor Bill von Hippel from UQ’s School of Psychology conducted an experiment on attraction on more than 3000 male and female participants. One of the surprising things they found was that most women found a level of arrogance attractive.
When most men approach women, they get tensed up because, subconsciously, they’ve already assumed the woman is doing them a favor by entering into a relationship with them. This mindset, as subtle as it may be, can make everything go downhill really fast.
When you think a woman is doing you a favor by dating you, you automatically create the wrong relationship dynamic for yourself — if you get into the relationship with her in the first place.
Here’s what you should do instead:
Change your mindset. When you go into a relationship, enter with pride. Believe that you have something valuable to offer and that you’re doing her a favor. Or at worst, you’re both doing each other a favor.
This isn’t about competing against each other about who’s more important. Rather, see this as the foundation for any effective seduction to take place. If you approach a woman feeling like she’s more important than you, it’s going to show in everything you do. And she’s going to pick up the signs in your aura.
Women will only be interested in you when you know yourself. When you act like she’s doing you a favor by dating you, she will most likely not think highly of you. As Robert Green put it in The Art of Seduction,
“Self-esteem is critical in seduction. (Your attitude toward yourself is read by the other person in subtle and unconscious ways.) Low self-esteem repels, confidence and self-sufficiency attract. The less you seem to need other people, the more likely others will be drawn to you.”
The secret to long-term commitment
Don’t fall for the trap of “you’re only a real man if you pay for everything.” It’s a trap most men are susceptible to because of their egos.
Here’s the thing: It’s a basic law of human psychology that we only value things when we put in effort to get them. Once it’s free and always available, the value is gone, no matter what it is. This is true in relationships as well.
If you’re always the one investing, then your woman might have no reason to be committed in the relationship. If she doesn’t have to work for anything, she might not take you seriously.
As obvious as it may seem, some men often forget that women have money and they have jobs too. You must find a way to make her invest in you. Whether in a little or big way, it doesn’t matter. For instance, when she comes over, she should be able to get something for you or bring you food once in a while.
Of course, for some ladies, this is going to come naturally. Some women just begin to invest in their man when they see his level of love and commitment. But there are still a lot of women out there who still think it’s their right to get free stuff from men.
Observe most of the men around you (or any of your own relationships) that have a long-term relationship, you’ll realize that their women are investing in the relationships in vital ways.
Apart from the fact that investing in you is a good way to get her to commit, it is also a good indicator that she loves you. If she doesn’t want to sacrifice for you in any way, that’s a huge red flag. It means she can leave you at any slight inconsequential offense because she has nothing to lose.
The best way to guarantee her respect
When you’re the only one always trying to make things work and keep your woman happy, it signals that you’re beneath her, and sooner, she’ll leave.
Hence, you have to be able to insinuate that you don’t care if she leaves you. This may seem cold or unloving, but it’s the hard reality. Love alone isn’t enough.
A lot of relationships have been ruined because people showed too much love and affection too quickly. No matter how much you love your woman, she won’t respect you if you act like you’ll die if she leaves. It just says a lot about the kind of person you are — needy, insecure, suffocating, and fragile.
In a relationship, there have to be deliberate actions to create an experience where the romance and passion don’t dry out. And most times, these actions are going to require you to create obstacles. As Robert Green put it in the Art of Seduction,
“Try to persuade a person by appealing to their consciousness, by saying outright what you want, by showing all your cards, what hope do you have? You are just one more irritation to be tuned out.”
Create a triangle of desire
Talk about other women to her. Smile a bit more when you’re talking to another attractive woman. Occasionally look at women with nice figures in her presence.
This, however, doesn’t mean that you actually want to go after them. Rather, see this as a way of triggering her competitiveness. It subconsciously signals to her that even if you’re already with her, she still needs to make deliberate efforts to keep you. And this will stop her from being complacent, keep her ego in check, and make her also take responsibility to make the relationship work. Robert Green put it perfectly in The Art of Seduction,
“Desire is… competitive (we want to take away from others what they have). As children, we wanted to monopolize the attention of a parent, to draw it away from other siblings. This sense of rivalry… makes people compete for attention.”
There are big differences in the way men and women think, but the psychology of seduction is still the same for both. These strategies will work no matter the side you’re on.
The most important thing is to be able to step out of your own need for attention, validation, and love. With a little bit of detachment, you’ll have a greater feel for what you need to do to keep that rollercoaster going for as long as possible.