Studies by Terri Fisher and her research team at Ohio State University suggest that on average, men and women think about 20 times within a day.
But despite this obsession with sex, the hard truth is, we live in a time where most couples only make love at the end of the day, tired and exhausted, when it feels like another chore to get over with before we finally rest for the day. And even if you’re young enough to have sex at any time of the day, chances are, you might still be doing a lot of things wrongly. That said, here are ten tiny habits that can greatly affect your sex life.
Taking your smartphone to bed
Your bed should primarily be for two things — sleeping and sex.
A recent survey revealed that 75% of Americans take their smartphones to bed, with 35% of them reporting that it had a negative effect on their sex life.
Bringing a device like a smartphone to bed distracts you from your partner, and consequently decreases your ability to have quality time together. When she’s looking at her phone, and you’re looking at yours, it reduces your intimacy. It becomes harder to connect because both of you are focused on different things.
Poor stress management
One of the direct effects of stress on your body is the production of the hormone called cortisol. Your body produces cortisol when it feels like it’s in a fight or flight situation and this causes a reduction in the production of testosterone in men, which in turn leads to poor sex life.
High-stress levels can have a direct effect on your body both mentally and physically. It can make you fatigued, irritable, and tense.
Besides, being stressed all the time can make you distracted or worse, depressed. A great way to improve your overall health and your sex life is to learn to manage stress properly.
Drinking too much alcohol
Why do intoxicated men struggle to get an erection?
There’s a reduced influx of blood to the penis whenever you’re intoxicated.
Here’s the thing:
Alcohol is a depressant. Meaning when a man is intoxicated, his senses slow down. And this in turn interferes with the signals that cause the smooth muscle relaxation that leads to an erection.
Indeed, drinking a little bit of alcohol can put some of us in the mood for sex. According to research, it can even lead to “heightened sexual response, increased arousal, enhanced orgasm, and loosening of sexual inhibitions.”
But drinking too much alcohol has many side effects on your sex life ranging from, reduced blood flow to your penis, reduced testosterone production, decreased sex drive, and even erectile dysfunction.
The cause of unrealistic expectations
The main thing wrong with watching porn is that it sets false expectations in your mind about what sex should be. In reality, most women will never look like, talk like, or sound like the women in porn videos.
When you let the false expectations from porn into your head, you’ll expect the women you have sex with in the real world to react the same way they do in pornography.
Furthermore, watching too much pornography can desensitize you to sex, making you do more extreme things to get aroused. A 2015 study on high school seniors revealed that people who often use internet pornography — more than once a week — experience a drop in desire for sex.
Skipping the warm-up
As excited as you may be when you’re about to have sex, it’s good to understand that sex doesn’t start when you hit the bed (especially for women). It starts in the mind. As sex expert, Ruth Westheimer explained,
“compared to men, a woman’s body takes longer to warm up and get to the level of arousal needed for orgasm.”
Not skipping foreplay leads to a woman getting more aroused and much more readily reaching orgasm. Besides, if you take your time with foreplay, you can learn to understand your woman’s body better.
Having a poor dietary habit
Having a good dietary habit is good for your overall health, but it’s also especially good for your sex life. If you have poor dietary habits and you clean them up, you will see an improvement in your sex life almost immediately.
Eating too much processed foods and sugar can lead to a decrease in your energy levels, blood flow, and testosterone production. Also, a poor diet can lead to a decrease in sensitivity, making you not enjoy sex the way you should.
Lack of communication
In many cases, couples suffer in silence because one or both partners don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings.
But the hard truth is, if you want to have a good sex life, you have to be willing to have an uncomfortable conversation about what you want from your partner. And when he/she tells you something to improve about yourself, try not to take it personally. Drop your ego and listen. As sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer advised,
“If I have to pick up a few pieces of advice for couples today, the first one will be to listen to each other… to put those phones aside and listen to each other.”
Indeed you should pay attention and listen to her body, but it’s even better when you ask her directly. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn’t. And don’t be afraid to communicate your likes, dislikes, or what you might want to try.
Doing things the same way all the time
This habit can do more damage to your sex life when you’ve been with one person for a long time.
When you’ve been with a partner for a long time, you naturally develop a routine for how you have sex. But the hard truth is, the same old foreplay, the same old positions means a boring sex life.
The reality is that as you guys grow in your relationship, your desires — especially when it comes to sex — will evolve or change.
Assuming every woman’s body is the same
The truth is, making a woman enjoy sex is not a one size fit all operation. What feels good to one woman might turn the next woman off. Hence, you must understand that every woman’s body is going to be different. When you engage with a woman, pay attention to her body. Take note of what her body responds to.
Lack of quality, consistent sleep
Your body needs sleep to repair and rejuvenate. And if you’re lack quality sleep, it can seriously affect your sex life. A lack of sleep can lead to increased irritability, tension, stress, and also reduce the production of testosterone.
Now, good sleep isn’t a magic fix for all sexual difficulties. Happiness, relationship satisfaction, overall physical health, etc., contribute to sexual desire and arousal. Sleep is just another piece of the puzzle.
We all want to have a satisfying and enjoyable sex life both for ourselves and our partners. If any of these ten harmful habits, apply to you, take note of them and work on them. Like most good things in life, good sex life comes from a deliberate effort to create it. Don’t just leave things to chance and hormones.